Thursday, October 21, 2010

struggle in my heart

Yesterday was a routine day at the busy pediatric dental office where I work, but I was filled with some intense internal struggles.  We had a 4 year old patient with all 20 of her teeth completely decayed down to her gumline.  Every Single tooth in her young little mouth either needed to be pulled or be restored with nerve treatment and crowns.  Although this case was extreme, we see very similar ones like this every single day.  Usually, I (sadly) just accept situations like this, but yesterday anger boiled inside of me.  I'm not sure if it affected me more because I'm getting closer to becoming a parent myself, or because I've reached a place of holy discontent.

Honestly, I found myself falling into a dark place, questioning God..."Why do JT and I need to be interviewed? Why do we need to go through background checks, fingerprinting, and inspection of our home?  Why do we need to schedule routine conference calls with a case worker to make sure we're 'fit' to be parents, when there are people all around me that have child, after child, whom they neglect?"

My struggle isn't one regarding biology.  I believe with all my being that God has been planning adoption as a way for us to grow our family long before we came to realize it.  The struggle I feel in my heart is one of simple care, concern, and compassion for God's children, whom He entrusts to us.  Why do we allow ourselves to become content in our neatly packaged, comfortable lives? Why do we think it's okay to remain within the parameters of what we've defined as safe and routine, while there are thousands of innocent, impressionable lives right next door and around the world yearning for attention, love, and true familial relationships?

I'll admit, I'm guilty. I've been carefully setting up comfortable boundaries around myself all my life. But I know I need to let go of the death grip I've been holding on my life, to enter a place of true trust, yearning to be stretched beyond my place of contentment to truly care for others around me: the hurt, the hungry, the lonely.

I don't know exactly where these feelings within my heart are leading me.
I don't think I want to know just yet, but I'm willing to follow God's call:
"Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight..."
James 1:27 (The Message)

1 comment:

  1. We'll pray for you because we love you and we love all those kids out there...and because we get it; every single day we get it.